Family

Women: The mystery decoded

A woman’s mind is often referred to as complex. Men have been trying to understand women … Well, since the beginning of time. Even Stephen Hawking who is said to have one of the most brilliant minds said, “women are a complete mystery.” But it’s not so much that a woman is complex or a mystery. You have to change your way of thinking to understand women. In terms of parenting, say you have two children. One is completely normal and healthy while the other child has ADHD. You love them both the same but to understand your child with ADHD, you have to think differently. You have to think outside the box, right? Women are basically like that. You have to change your thinking completely.

There are a few important key things to keep in mind, the basics or foundation to understanding women. Once you understand the basics you can build on that to help you continue to understand women further and on a deeper level.

First, lets start with listening and guys this is a big one. Listen with your eyes, not your ears. Women may say one thing but often mean something completely different. Pay attention. Look at her facial expression. Watch her body language. Her body language is where you are going to get most clues as to how she is really feeling. Like when she says “I’m fine.” She absolutely is not fine. She probably said I’m fine in a sharp tone. You might catch a glimpse of an eye roll. She may have a stern look on her face. Or even a sharp turn and walking away. All clues that she is NOT fine. Which brings us to number two.

When she says, “I’m fine.” She absolutely is not fine! So you already know by her body language as we just discussed, that she is not fine. What are you suppose to do? First, think what did you do? If you already know, You better do some backtracking and fast. If you have no idea or maybe you didn’t do anything wrong. It could be a number of things. She wants you to dig deeper. Ask questions. She may not tell you right away but she will tell you. Why do women do this? Often times, women are vulnerable. They are afraid to put their bare emotions out there. And by you continuing to ask and trying to find out what really is wrong, shows her you care. Any amount of effort you give, women love. Even if they don’t always show it.

If she changes her mind alot, it’s usually because she wants to make the right decision. The truth is, women overthink when it comes to things that matter. Have you ever been Christmas shopping with a woman? If you have, then you have witnessed her trying to find the perfect gift for someone she truly loves. She will go back and forth trying to decide on the perfect gift. She may change her mind ten times. That is how she thinks when trying to make any real decision that has any importance to her.

The little things matter. Surprise her one night by making her dinner. Make her favorite dish or her favorite dessert. A simple gesture goes so much further than an expensive gift. By making her dinner and adding something she loves, this shows her you care. This shows her you are putting forth effort. Remember when you were little, that gift you spent hours or days making for Mother’s Day or her birthday. She loved and treasured that gift far more than anything money could buy. Women are the same. They need to see you trying.

No excuses! Women absolutely hate nothing more than excuses from men. And really most of the time, an excuse is really another word for a lie. Lies break trust. And when the trust is gone you can tell her goodbye. She will leave at some point. So don’t do it! Period. It’s likely she will appreciate your honesty. And that … will score you mega points!

Learn how to say sorry. Women respect an apology with honesty. Sure she may act upset at the time for the minor thing you did. But deep down she does respect you. And really this goes back to “no excuses.” Just say, “I’m sorry. I completely forgot we had dinner plans tonight.” Instead of “I had to work late” or “traffic was bad” or any other cover story you can come up with. She will find out and it will get ugly.

Women want to be respected. Talk to her like she is your equal. Let her know her opinion matters. Listen to her when she tells you what she thinks. Treat her friends and family as well as you would treat your own. Respecting her friends and family is a way of showing her respect. Friends and family are crucial. One wrong word about you from friends and family could kill a potential budding romance.

Women want to be loved. As with everything else, it is how women feel. Make her feel loved in your presence. Do what you can to show her you care. You can love her all you want. But if she doesn’t FEEL loved around you. Chances are, she won’t stick around long.

See, women aren’t that difficult. You just need the right way of thinking and understanding. These are a few simple basics to women. All of these things are a recipe for success. And remember, it’s all about how they feel.

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48 thoughts on “Women: The mystery decoded”

  1. Thanks for sharing your view with the men of the world, C.E. We do indeed have our differences. And yet the key, I believe, it to truly know that equal is the key word – in thoughts, actions and words. It’s a good goal, anyhow.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I really enjoyed reading your essay C E.
    As a man I believe that men are a mystery too. Many men have thoughts beliefs ideals that they don’t enquire into to. The lack of enquiry leafs to black and white thinking and confusion, and this is where the excuses come in. If a man doesn’t understand or explore his morals and beliefs then he can’t present a woman with understanding of his “self”. This leads to many arguments. The man becomes defensive about his behaviour even though he cannot give an explanation for his stance.
    What needs to change? Your explanation about honest looking; seeing is brilliant. I think that during the time of honest looking a silence needs to be created. Open a window, sit apart from each other and allow the silence and space to be. Then when emotions have calmed there needs to be dialogue. Honest enquiry, honest looking, honest listening. Honest listening means stopping the internal counter arguements and hearing each word. Then the man can say ” this is what I think you mean, is that right”. This gives an opportunity to create deeper understanding.
    Men are confused and don’t know it until they are on there own. At work, with friends, family, down the pub – these activities mean men can ignore their feelings and intuition. But when alone the feelings and confusion comes back.
    If I have written too much I apologise. I’m not quite sure of the netiquette rules.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. You are exactly right! I can’t help but wonder how much better this world might be if both men and women did these things and actually tried to understand each other. Would it change divorce rates? Which could in turn change the amount of broken homes children grow up in. And if there are less broken homes could this mean less children growing up with problems like anger issues, etc? If less children grow up anger, developmental, mental issues Could this also decrease crime? Could this one little but big thing change the world? I would love to think one little thing could create a chain reaction. I know it’s a bit of a stretch thinking that one thing could change every thing. It is a wonderful thought. Something that could give the people of this world hope.

      Liked by 4 people

  3. Love the content about what women want (and need) – the listening part is my deepest need. The Hubs tries, but always wants to “fix” whatever is causing the pain. As we get older, he’s come to understand that the nod of the head and an “Uh Huh, I see” can work wonders!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hi C.E.
    These are important tips for men and women to communicate better.
    Thank you for following my blog. However, I don’t blog at Reflections anymore and haven’t in years. I blog at https://mostlyblogging.com. I’d be delighted if you’d follow me to my current site and sign up there. I brought you a link to a blog party I’m having where you could meet readers for your blog:
    https://www.mostlyblogging.com/blog-party-2/
    See you at MostlyBlogging.com.
    Janice

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for the tips, which i am sure are quite valid for many women as to the way they think/feel/relate to men. Some i had already discovered through many years experience but it is good to get the female perspective for better relevance. πŸ˜‰

    There is an important point here that i feel is missing from your post.

    It is no real value understanding how a woman thinks (from a male point of view) if you do not first of all understand how you (the male) thinks. if you do not understand that perhaps some of the thoughts you have and ways you behave/react in a relationship could be vastly better than they are by taking the time to study them (study yourself), perhaps with an expert as a guide then it is unlikely that knowing how the other half thinks is going to result in any real improvement in a relationship.

    Becoming aware of the info you have supplied could be of benefit allowing someone to modify their expectations in certain situations but unless we look at ourselves carefully and learn how to correct our own failings in a relationship we will not have true success in modifying the relationship ( and particularly not by trying to modify the other to suit our own needs/wants) to a better outcome for both parties, which should always be the goal both aim for. πŸ™‚

    Best wishes,

    love.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. As a woman, I refuse to play the β€˜I’m all right game.’ I have no idea why women do this. We should know that men will take us quite literally. If something has upset me that I say so, calmly and clearly and communicate. My husband was taught to keep all his feelings inside and not talk about things and it has taken me years to persuade him to share his problems so maybe he, or we can find solutions.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Good post C.E. I’ve been married 47 years and can vouch for all that you stated (plus a few more)! Thank you for the “follow”, please feel free to jump in any time with comments or feedback, always appreciated. Blessings! – Bruce

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I liked so much in your writing. The organization and spacing, the clear vocabulary, and length of the post. The advice was practical, and even could be developed in future posts or left for couples to do it in their own style. I am married to a my wife 37 years and it’s a happy love and closeness we have.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Good insight here. I especially like the respect part. I would suggest listening with the eyes and the ears. If my husband asks how I am, I tell the truth. I might say, I feel good, happy, okay, I’m working on it, I’m feeling challenged, confused, or, if I’m not sure, I can say, I don’t know. Fine is such a confusing word these days. I like your explanation of why a woman might say she’s fine if she’s not. That fear of vulnerability applies to my husband who was taught not to show feelings. He sometimes says he’s alright, when he might not be. It does help to ask (gently) for clarification and to use open questions. But I’ve also learned to respect his space and give him time to talk. I agree completely with all your other suggestions which are very helpful! Thanks so much for the follow!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’ve always been of the mind that there’s nothing to figure out about women and that the mystery is simply a case of humor and tradition born out of guy’s talk.
    Some points do hold true though, for instance, when a woman says she’s fine, she’s actually closer to contemplating your murder if you don’t fix things.But as people, we are all as different from the next, and men can be – especially in this day and age – just as complicated as any woman.

    Some of us, not so much, pretty straight forward. But some, yes, do have their own complications. The difference is that guys are much more resilient to showing emotions that make portray us as weak. Therefore our tolerance to certain things that may trouble women, is usually stronger. Both sides are complicated, it’s within our differences of dealing with it which makes us difference – for better or for worse.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is a very good point. Many times emotions run high and it causes people especially women to react before thinking. I think both sides should make an effort to see things from the others side. It could make life much happier for everyone.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I like your stance on that – seeing things from the other’s point of view. Personally, I sense that would fail for me when it comes to women. I’m more inclined to throw myself down a flight of stairs after my first attempt of trying to figure out what may be troubling her.

        Who knows, she may be happier after that. Problem solved.

        Liked by 1 person

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